— Me (preaching to myself first)
I love these two. So much.
They’ve been enjoying each others company a lot more lately. Abram is so much fun to play with and I think Daniel is starting to feel like a daddy and not just a diaper-changer and Bottle-Holder-in-the-middle-of-the-night….er.
There’s so much that’s been going on lately. Where do I even begin?
I opened an etsy shop. So that’s fun. It’s cracked open this creative can of worms. My brain spins in circles all day thinking of things I want to make. I also discovered Pinterest this month. Ummm…..hello??? What a great site to bookmark everything I love.
Daniel got another job. He is in charge of ebay sales at Interstate Cycles. It’s only part time right now, so he is still working part time at NAPA. Pros- a TEENY bit more money to pay bills. Cons- No lunch break and an extra hour of work. Abram only gets to see his daddy for about an hour each weekday and for me only 3 hours. But we committed to only letting this be temporary.
Abram is SO CLOSE to sitting up by himself, and he is becoming more independent each day. He likes tasting my breakfast smoothies and the hummus off of my afternoon toast snack. His new favorite thing is to cackle at strangers to get their attention. It’s hilarious. A few weeks ago we transitioned him from our bedroom to his, and it was quite a challenge. Every hour to two hours Daniel and I were up in the middle of the night taking turns soothing and feeding lil’ guy. Last week was incredible: he would only wake up once a night! We thought we finally had it in the bag, but the past few nights he has reverted back to every two hours. At least we got a taste of what it’s like when a baby sleeps at night.
So yeah. We are just livin’ life together right now. I barely make it to my pillow at night before I’m passing out. Our days are exhausting, but in a I-did-a-lot-of-stuff-today kind of way.
…the bane of my existence.
Not really. But maybe?
What’s sad is that most days it is. and something as small as a few extra pounds in comparison to the universe shouldn’t be ruining my day.
But here I find myself thinking of crazy ways to lose this baby weight and then realizing how badly I will fail at it.
I’ll fail at it. Like so many other times in my life when I’ve tried to do something for the wrong reasons. For myself.
I think that baby weight is God’s way of showing us how much… well, weight (pun intended) we put in what other people think about us, and what we have defined as beautiful.
Yeah yeah, you can say that you want to lose weight because it’s the healthy thing to do, and in most cases it is. You might say you are doing it because you want to be a good stuart of the body God gave you.
But when you are really honest with yourself; correction. When I AM really honest with MYSELF, those reasons are far from my heart. And what’s close is people’s eyes and their compliments that come with their glances. The fear that I’m not beautiful enough for my husband. The unspoken competition between family members to be the best looking. The sick need to fit into extremely small sizes at Forever 21. FOREVER 21, friends. Hello! I was only 21 once. I should stop kidding myself.
So there’s that to deal with.
And then there’s the eating for comfort issue. Which makes the previously discussed issue continue.
And on and on it goes, consuming my thoughts and stealing me away from my first Love.
For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalms 139:13-16
…And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good. -Genesis 1:31
So if the Bible I “believe,” then I am to understand that I was wonderfully created by God. I am a good, a “very good” creation.
If I ‘believe’ that God created me, then my beauty lies in his hands.
I guess I don’t always believe in Him.
That’s hard. I don’t want to say such a thing. No one who calls themselves a “Christian” wants to say that they don’t believe in Him.
But it’s true.
Things, good things turn into Idols. Idols turn into our gods. God becomes distant. We stop believing. We stop trusting. Faith is no longer an action but just a word we say.
What’s my idol right now? My body. Or the body I want to have.
I want to be that hipster mom that looks good.
You know, that mom that doesn’t look like a mom.
And I don’t want to hear the pity compliments like, ” you’ll get there!” or “what are you talking about, you look great for just having a baby!” Don’t share with me ways on how I can lose weight fast or what worked for you. I know it all.
That is not what I need. All that does is put the emphasis more on myself. And clearly that is not working out. The issue is not the weight anymore. The issue is my disgusting heart.
God is the goal here. Just Him. Nothing else, no one else.
I don’t like how fast this baby is growing. I don’t like it one bit.
For one, I can’t keep up when it comes to pajamas. It’s like he wears a set, and then two days later it’s too small.
Today he stuck his foot in his mouth. It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for. I just love it when a baby finds his feet, realizes they are his and then proceeds to taste it like they do everything else.
But then he did something that I feel was way to early for his age. He was sitting up on the bed holding on to my thumbs, and then pulled himself up to a standing position.
The kids three months old for crying out loud! (said in a Karen Davis voice)
He’s not even sitting up by himself yet and he is already wanting to stand. And what about this super baby strength??
I watched a documentary about a 4 year old boy who had super strength and was all muscles. He had some rare condition that you only find in certain Belgian cows. I’m not sure what the condition entails, but as far as they know it’s not dangerous and it gives you giant muscles and super strength. This 4 year old was doing pull ups, which apparently is impossible for children that age because they haven’t developed upper body strength yet. The dad would have to take the kid to the gym at night to wear him out because he had an absurd amount of energy.
I’m not sayin’ that Abram is a belgian cow…….
Also, he started acting like a kid last night. He didn’t feel like being held, so he kept pushing me off and doing that thing that toddlers do that involves turning their bodies into jello.
I hate that.
The best thing in the world though: Abram laughed so hard and so loud this morning it almost scared me. I haven’t heard him laugh in a few weeks, and usually it’s this little giggle.
Kid busted a gut.
I don’t know why it took me so long to finally try this deliciously healthy bread. I’ve been seeing it for years in health food stores in the many places I’ve lived. Unfortunately, Lake City doesn’t have a Whole Foods or anything like that, so I totally forgot about this stuff. But a few weeks ago while opening up my friends refrigerator for some water, I spotted the scripture-covered loaf and got excited. She told me they sell it at Publix. So my refrigerator now possess it.
It’s $3.99 at Publix. Some of you just scoffed at the reading of that price for a loaf of bread. Well here’s how I see it: It’s only a little over a dollar more than the bread you usually buy, and waaayyyy healthier for you. Sure they are smaller slices, but guess what? You probably eat too much bread anyway. Cut it out.
(Hey, don’t get all offended- I’m guilty of it too)
So far I’ve enjoyed it as part of a hummus and tomato sandwich. I’ve also had it with a piece of toast and a scrambled egg or apple butter atop of it.
For your health.
At 1:05 this morning I was up extracting mucus out of my child’s face with a long blue booger sucker contraption.
It hit me hard when I traveled back to my bed that I am a walking zombie.
I feel, most days, like a shell of what once was a human being. I ingest way too much coffee (much like zombies eat people brains) not because it’s delicious; but so that I can keep standing. Dark circles surround my big blues, also like the walking dead. And I don’t even care if there is a bodily fluid stuck to my person.
I haven’t slept through the night since Abram was born. I understand that in the grand scheme of things that three months of poor sleep out of a lifetime of fairly decent to great sleep is not that big of a deal. But while I’m in the thick of things, it feels like it will never end.
It seems like I will never get a full REM cycle of sleep ever again.
The trick here, or perhaps the lesson I am to learn in this particular area is to not make the luxury of sleep my god. There’s a good chance that it was before said baby came into the world.
Sadly even the gift of sleep, of rest and relaxation can be made into a golden calf that we worship. And I know that is the case when I wake up in the morning and my first thought is, “I can’t wait ‘til I get to go to bed tonight.”
If it’s not one idol, it’s another. And God is just gonna keep bulldozing through them until there’s nothing left.
When all of my worship will belong to Him.
Sweet little Abe just laughed for the first time.
He was looking up at me and smiled, so I smiled and started laughing and then he proceeded to do the same. It went on for about a minute.
My heart exploded into many joyous pieces.
I HATE that Daniel wasn’t here to experience this first. Hopefully Abram will save the rest of his firsts for 5 pm or later Monday thru Friday or any time on the weekends.
Too bad you can’t tell an infant that.
I’m back friends. I realize that it’s been something like two months since my last post. Honestly, I could have started back up weeks ago, but it kinda felt like the way it feels when you haven’t prayed in a while and you go to talk to God and then you feel bad for not praying so then you just end up not praying at all….. kinda like your lack of fervent communication is just unforgivable.
Well that’s dumb. And I’m glad I don’t pray like that anymore… (if that’s how you feel about prayer, then lets talk. You’re missing out). And I shouldn’t treat blogging like that either. If I’m absent for a while, then that’s that. Sometimes life’s seasons call for a break.
Like, oh I don’t know, having a baby.
Which btw is AWESOME.
This kid is so great. He is my little buddy, and we spend every day together. It’s life changing to watch a tiny human being develop and learn and grow a substantial amount every day.
Life is nothing like it was. And it’s so much more.
P.S. Your life does not end when you have a child. It just becomes more interesting. More challenging. More hilarious. And absolutely more fantastic.
So anyways, I need some accountability here. I want to start blogging again. It’s good for me. It’s good for you.
If you see me slacking, please let me know. Do it nicely though, or I’ll slap you in your tumblr or facebook mouth.